Transcript Of Video
One of the questions was allowing yourself to get angry in appropriate and necessary sometimes or rarely allowed?
If you’re codependent, then this is the answer that you are probably going to be answering. Anger is probably one of the most uncomfortable, scary, bad, wrong, evil emotions that a person can feel. And so if you’re codependent, you are actually terrified of anger. Anger is one of the hardest emotions to control in someone else. So that’s why it creates this profound feeling of fear. When you are healthy, you understand that you are over here. And you are going to be having your emotions. And someone is over here. And they’re going to have their emotions, whatever those are. Oops, sorry about that. They’re going to have their emotions, whatever those are.
Let’s say that they’re angry emotions, have some steam coming off. When they have those emotions, it is actually sometimes appropriate and necessary to allow them to have those feelings. Anger itself is a neutral emotion. It depends if it’s being used in an appropriate or the right time. If you have had something important to you, let’s say a couple thousand of dollars stolen from you, that’s an appropriate reason to be angry. And expressing that is not a bad thing. If you get angry and are explosive
because you have to stop for a red light, that’s an inappropriate use of anger.
So that’s why, oftentimes, it becomes uncomfortable to sit in that. But as a codependent person, right here, if you’re always trying to stop someone else from getting angry, that becomes exhausting. What’s difficult is when you, as a codependent, and you have feelings of anger, again, allowing yourself to get angry is a question. If you, right here, are the codependent person and you have an appropriate time to get angry, it might be very difficult to let yourself get there because the belief is that if I get that angry, I might hurt someone. I will be bad. I might even be evil or even sinful if I get angry. Again, a healthy person understands that there is a balance. And sometimes, it is appropriate to get angry. And sometimes, it is inappropriate to get angry. When it is the appropriate time, then it is good to give yourself permission to express that anger in a safe and appropriate way. That’s moving towards a healthier position in your codependent relationships.