Transcript Of Video
Welcome back to Codependency quiz. Again, one more question on the exam, on the quiz was, when things are starting to get bad, what do you usually do? Do you normally take an evaluation of the situation and choose a course of action or do you try to keep yourself busy, so you won’t have to think about things? Right there, that’s the codependent answer; if that’s the one that you tend to do, here’s why you usually do that.
A codependent person does not like responsibility, especially if that responsibility applies to yourself; If you are in a place that is starting to get bad, if things are starting to get uncomfortable; taking an evaluation of the situation and then choosing a course of action, means that you might become responsible if that doesn’t work out; t means that you are drawing a line in the sand and saying, “I’m going to try something.”, but again that comes what a potential risk of failure, which now leads to “If I mess up, that proves that I am not good enough.”, and we already know that, that is called shame. You just don’t want to do anything that could reinforce this belief that you are not good enough; it’s going to reinforce this shameful behavior.
Taking a course of action requires responsibility; so instead it is much, much easier to distract yourself, to keep yourself busy, so you don’t have to think about things. If you can just close your eyes and hope that things just go away and that they are just all going to be better; if you can do that, then life will get better, but that’s actually called magical thinking; little children do this all the time. It’s the idea of “I have no idea, how I’m going to make this happen? We don’t have the money for it; I
don’t have the time for it: I don’t have the resources to make this happen, but I want this so bad that I’m just going to commit to it and magically everything’s going to get better. Things are going to work out okay. I don’t know how it’s going to happen, but magically just things are going to turn out.”
Children are normally stuck in those modes, until they start to mature and grow up through adolescence and high school. That’s when magical thinking starts to go away and children start to become a little bit more responsible for themselves in a healthy world; but a codependent person gets really stuck in this magical thinking; they do believe that if I just keep myself busy, then everything will turn out okay. That doesn’t work anymore.
If you want to start choosing a healthy response, if you want to choose a way that is less codependent, then first step is to actually just open your eyes. Don’t actually try to avoid things; don’t try to keep yourselves busy; don’t try to avoid thinking about things. Start to just look at your situation and take an accurate evaluation of what’s going on; even if you don’t have a solution, that’s okay. If you just are willing to admit and say things aren’t quite as good as I wish that they were, and I see it as
it truly is; that will start to become less codependent. Now, if you haven’t found a solution, find someone who knows what to do. Be willing to talk to someone; be willing to ask for help. If you can do all those things, that’s not codependent; that is actually interdependent. That’s the opposite of codependency and that’s getting much, much healthier and life works out much, much better for you when you can start to do that. Open your eyes.