Transcript Of Video
One of the questions on the quiz was you’ve told your partner not to hurt you, and they ignored you and just done it. Your response is to give them one more chance, for the fourteenth time, or you begin to separate yourself from them in order to remain safe.
A codependent person has an incredibly hard time setting boundaries and so you probably answered the first way. If you have been hurt and a person does not honor that boundary it is terrifying, it is fearful, for you to imagine telling them that they cannot do that anymore because they might leave they might think you are bad for setting that boundary. They might think that you are sinful for creating that boundary so you decide that you have to give them one more chance.
Again one more chance doesnt really work here you’ve already given them 14, 28 other chances or this is the thousandth time that they have done something that has hurt you. Codependent people have no ability to sit in this fear, the fear of being alone, the fear of being abandoned, the fear of thinking they are bad or wrong in some way, is more painful than being treated poorly, being abused, being hurt, being walked on. Its a matter of choosing your pain and so the pain of being alone abandoned is greater than being hurt.
A healthy option, it is good. It is appropriate. It is necessary sometimes if someone is doing something constantly that is hurting you. That’s costing you something. That is uncomfortable. That is inappropriate. That is bad on their part, than it is absolutely appropriate for you to create a boundary. To have some limits to how much time and how much interaction you have with them. It is appropriate to separate yourself from them in order to remain safe, not to punish them, not to manipulate them, its to remain safe.
Now, that might bother them. That might hurt them but that is a decision that has to be made. That again is appropriate and necessary because if they are not gonna stop a behavior that is hurting you, then you need to remove yourself from the situation to where you can no longer be hurt. It is okay to take care of yourself. That is a lesson that codependent people never ever really learned. They always have taken care of someone else, and to move closer to a healthier relational style then you’re going to have to figure out this balance and start to separate yourself from people who are always hurting you.