Transcript Of Video
One of the questions on the quiz was, “If you stop being the helper in the relationship, what would happen?” You wouldn’t really know how to define the relationship or you would find new way to relate to your friend. This one right here is the codependent answer.
Codependent people have to be the helper in the relationship, they cannot be the helpee. They have to be the giver; they have to always be putting out, and they can never really learn how to accept it. And so when that happens if you stop being the helper, even more importantly, the person
that you were helping no longer needed your help that might actually screw up the relationship. You might not know how to define the friendship anymore, because you no longer have anything to do. That’s now gone. You don’t know how to fix them anymore. You don’t know how to help them anymore. And so now, it’s like now, “What do we have in common?” “Why do we hang out?” “What are we supposed to do?”
Friendships right here, are supposed to be equitable, you’re supposed to give and receive; that is what defines a relationship. And so if the helper will remove, a healthy person would say, “That’s okay, because I can move into this other kind of relational style. I might actually start receiving and having things given into my life instead of me always giving and having all that energy going out of my life.”
The ability to shift and find new ways to relate to this other person shows that you have a fairly healthy relational style with them, and that you are equitable and balanced and appropriate. Finding that makes it a much, much easier job to have good relationships with your friends. And it actually will help you stay in friendships longer and have deeper and better and healthier and more fulfilling friendships.
Try to find this as much as possible; do whatever you can to look at the codependent issues in your life, and start to find, again, this equitable and this balance approach.; It works out much better.