Transcript Of Video
One of the questions was when asked if anything is wrong, are you willing to tell the truth even if it is painful, or have you been known to lie so you don’t have to tell what’s going on inside?
If you’re codependent, then you’re really good at lying; both to yourself and to others.
A healthy person recognizes that being honest, that telling the truth, even though it might be hurtful or painful, provides unbelievable freedom because you’re no longer having to live that lie. Now that’s not always easy, and that’s not always safe. Sometimes the truth about life actually hurts.
You know, it might be you go over to someone’s house for dinner and they ask you, you know, how did you enjoy the meal? If you’re going to be honest with them, are you going to be able to tell them I really enjoyed the dinner, I really enjoyed being with you, but you know what, the bean salad, I just don’t like beans and it wasn’t my favorite.
Can you be truthful and be kind? That’s one thing codependent people don’t actually know. That you can be truthful; that you can be honest, and you can be kind. They believe that anything that might come close to hurting someone or becoming painful, they have to hold on to. That they should never, ever hurt someone else; that’s not a viable way to live.
A healthy person recognizes that sometimes the truth hurts and that, when you understand that people are going to survive little pieces of truth, even if it is painful, when you believe and trust that people will survive that information; that it isn’t going to cripple them; that it isn’t going to destroy their life; that it isn’t going to destroy any sense of happiness; when you can trust and believe that people actually heal; that we can grow through our mistakes or the painful things in our life; when you trust that, that can happen with other people and you stop moving towards the codependent relational style, and you start moving towards a healthy relational style; and again that’s not easy. This is one of the harder things for a codependent person to do, is to be honest. Honesty is terrifying, because it actually flies in the face sometimes of the more important rule of the codependent person, which is never hurt someone else. That’s the cardinal rule. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever hurt someone else.
If someone has to be hurt, you hurt yourself. But you never hurt anyone else. That way is not a sustainable way to live. It’s time to change that belief system. It’s time to change it into a healthier, more balanced approach which is tell the truth, do it kindly, find freedom, and trust that people will be able to heal and that they will survive.
That’s a good way to live.