Transcript Of Video
Welcome back to CodependencyQuiz.com, this is the answer sheet that we’re going through.
One of the questions on the quiz was, when you receive a compliment do you just say thank you with genuine appreciation or are you pretty uncomfortable with the attention and do your best to not have that attention put on you?
If you’re codependent then this is the answer you probably gave. Codependent people have made it an art form to focus on other people.
It’s not done in a way that is in a healthy way. It’s done in a self-protective way because any attention that is put on yourself has the
potential of doing a couple things, you are terrified or you are afraid that that attention is going to expose any flaws or imperfections or things that are bad.
The codependent person believes that they are inherently bad and so they don’t want any attention put on them, even if it is good attention; even if it is a compliment; even if the most appropriate and healthy things is to say, “Thank you so much. I appreciate it.”
A codependent person spends tons of their energy taking care of everyone else and they’re actually looking for that compliment. They’re looking for the recognition and the ironic part is, the thing that just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense is when that compliment comes, when that appreciation does show up, you do your best to deflect it and you step out of that. You try to avoid it. You try to get out of that spotlight.
Again, that happens because you’re afraid that any exposure of yourself is going to mean that everyone is going to see that you believe that you are bad or that something will confirm that you are bad.
If you want to become healthy and start moving away from the codependent relational style, then practice simply saying thank you whenever someone points out something about yourself.
Stop deflecting that or focusing on them; stop spinning the questions back around, simply learn how to say thank you with this genuine appreciation. See what it feels like to just go wow it’s nice that someone recognizes what I did. I think I kind of like this. I think that I’m going to enjoy this here for just a minute.
That’s not selfish; that’s not inappropriate; that is appreciation. When you can start to do that and others appreciate you then you get to, when others appreciate you then you are allowed to appreciate yourself as well. That’s a healthy balance. That is appropriate and necessary and good.