Hey, welcome to CodependencyQuiz.com again. This is the Answer Sheet.
This question was in there as well. When someone offers constructive criticism, do you, number one, normally feel attacked, judged and defensive? Or are you able to listen openly to what people have to say?
Well, if you’re codependent, well then again number one here, this is what you’re going to be feeling. Here’s why.
The biggest fear that a codependent person has is the idea that they are not good enough. They believe that they are somehow flawed or broken or imperfect. The clinical term for some of this is actually called shame. You actually might hear it called toxic shame. It’s the belief that I, as a human being, am flawed and just not good enough.
The person that walks into life that way, when they are offered criticism, even if it is constructive criticism, when it’s done in a healthy way, it’s done out of love, it’s done with respect, even if criticism is offered in those ways, because a person is having this idea that they’re not good enough confirmed, then they’re going to feel attacked, judged, and defensive. They’re going to try to prove to you exactly why these things aren’t true.
A healthy person, a healthy person recognizes that they don’t have it all together. A healthy person recognizes that they have imperfections as part of them. Now, it isn’t them as a person. Their imperfections are actually external to their worth.
A codependent person believes that their worth, those flaws are internal, and they truly affect their worth. That’s one of the definitions of toxic shame.
So a healthy person has this openness. They are willing to listen to what is not good, or something that they’re not doing as well as they should be. And when you are in that place, that is when you start to change. That’s when you no longer stay stuck where you’re at. Because you recognize, “I have to grow in this area. And that growth might be hard, and it might be hard to hear some of it, but I’m willing to admit that I’m not perfect, because I understand that my worth is not in actually what I do, but my worth is anchored in what I am.”
If you want to become healthy, start to measure how open am I? How open is my spirit? Am I willing to hear what my friends have to say? Am I willing to listen to people who love me, whom I respect, and who respect me? Can I humble myself and be open to what they have to say?
If you can do that, then you’re going to really start to change your codependent kind of relational style.