Transcript Of Video
We are going through the answers to the quiz and helping you understand what is the healthy behavior in these certain situations.
One of the questions on the quiz was when you have to make a decision, you’re more than likely to do what? Ask someone else what you should do, or make the decision on your own?
Codependent people tend to do this. They tend to have a very low trust in themselves. They actually have a low trust in other people as well, but when it comes to the other people or themselves, they actually have a really, really hard times trusting themselves and so they ask other people what they should do.
Here’s what happens when you start to make decisions on your own. You now have to assume responsibility. You have to assume the
responsibility which means what happens if it is wrong? What happens if it is not the right thing to do?
In the codependent mind, then that confirms that you are bad, that you are not good, that you are inherently flawed. Anything that comes with responsibility, that runs the risk of being wrong. Failure. Mistakes. These are terrifying for the codependent person. And so you never, ever want to take the responsibility of making your own decisions.
If you want to start moving towards a healthy relational style and moving away from the codependent model, then you’re going to have to get comfortable with this right here.
People fail. People make mistakes. It is impossible to avoid those. And just because you fail, and just because you make a mistake, does not mean that you are bad.
It means that you made a mistake. It’s something that is external to your personal worth. You are not your mistakes. In fact, you are not what you do. You are inherently valuable just because of who you are. As a human being, you have value. And it’s not solely dependent upon what you do or how you act.
Moving towards a healthier relational style means that you’re going to be willing to make mistakes and take risks and start becoming responsible for your own life.
If you want a little assignment to try, see how long you can go. See if you can go for two days and never ask anyone else what to do. Simply make a decision for yourself and see how that turns out.
Don’t avoid. Avoiding the decision is no better than asking someone else what you should do. Don’t avoid it. Actually make the decision and see how it turns out.
And what you’re going to find out is, even if you make the wrong decision and it doesn’t turn out the way that you want it to, the failure will not kill you. You will be able to survive.
And when you do that over and over and over, you’re going to build resilience, you’re going to grow, you’re going to change, and you’re no longer going to be codependent.