Transcript Of Video
We are going through some of the questions that were on the quiz and helping you understand what they’re all about.
One of the questions was, if someone disagrees with you what do you do? Do you usually worry that you are in the wrong or are you wondering why they don’t see things your way?
The codependent person is right here. They’re always afraid that somehow you are in the wrong. A healthy person is able to have, again, a balance and recognize that sometimes they’re right and sometimes they’re wrong. Being able to understand why you do what you do and being confident, confident that you might be making the right decision.
That means that if someone disagrees with you it might not be your fault. You might not be in the wrong. They might not actually have all the information. They might not understand things as clearly and so they might actually be in the wrong here.
Codependent people have learned to always second guess their own thoughts and feelings and they have a very hard time trusting well, really, anybody. They have a hard time trusting themselves but they also have a hard time trusting other people. But, between the two, either trusting yourself or trusting someone else you’re always going to defer to someone else.
You do that, again, because it’s a way that you believe you are taking care of that person. If you say that you are wrong then you’re not telling them that they are wrong.
That takes confidence to be able to look somebody in the eye and say you know, I appreciate your input but I’m pretty certain that you don’t have this one right and I’m going to disagree with you and I’m willing to tell you that even if that hurts your feelings, even if that makes you angry at me, even if that isn’t like a confrontation, even if that means that you are uncomfortable in some way.
Healthy balanced life says, I’m willing to make you uncomfortable if I know that I’m right. I’m willing to make you uncomfortable instead of me being uncomfortable. That’s hard.
A lot of codependent people even hearing that make you want to throw up because the idea that that might hurt someone. They might be offended. You might lose the relationship.
All of those things are terrifying to the codependent person. A lot of times you’re going to find out in healthy relationships, you are allowed to tell someone that they’re wrong. You might not always be the person who is wrong.
Think about it. Consider the things that are important to you, that you have a strong conviction over and if you want to move closer to the healthier relational style then you’re going to be able to, more comfortably let someone know that they might not be right all the time.