Transcript Of Video
One of the questions on the quiz was when you have a problem, you usually do what? You acknowledge the pain and take necessary steps to take care of yourself? Or do you tell yourself, “Other people have it worse off so I probably shouldn’t be complaining”?
If you’ve been watching enough of these videos, you’re going to find out, or you’re going to realize that acknowledging the pain and taking necessary steps to take care of yourself is not the codependent one.
This is the codependent answer right here. You have a really good ability to dismiss or discount your own pain because, again, of that belief system that other people are much more important than you, and that you have less value.
When you believe that you are less valuable then you’re not actually going to acknowledge things when they are amiss in your life. When you have a problem, when you are hurting, when you are in pain, when life isn’t going well for you, that probably hurts. And it’s okay to acknowledge that directly.
Codependent people spend an awful lot of time getting their needs and their painful situations in their life, trying to get those met but they do that passively. You work really, really hard to not actually say that you need something or want something again because you believe that is selfish or that is needy. You’re used to always discounting all those things.
But instead, you’re still trying to get all those needs met, but you do it passively. A healthier way to get your needs met is to acknowledge that you actually have pain, to give yourself permission to not actually have it all together all the time.
When you give yourself that permission to do that, and you acknowledge the pain, you are actually validating your own experience. And when you validate your own experience, other people tend to validate your experiences as well.
Yes, other people, this is true, may have it worse off than you. In fact, that’s probably true. There’s always another situation where someone else is in more pain than you, but that does not discount the amount of pain that you are in.
If you had your finger off, hands down, sorry for the pun but hands down, that would be unbelievably painful. But does that mean your pain you should stop feeling because someone next to you had their arm cut off? I don’t think so.
You can’t stop that pain, and your pain is your story and it’s just as real and valid as someone else’s pain.
Don’t play the comparison game anymore. You have permission to acknowledge directly that you have something that needs to be taken care of, instead of passively.
When you start doing that, you’re going to start moving in a much more healthier relational style instead of being codependent and it’s going to work out much, much better for you because you’ll actually start getting your needs met.
And when you get your needs met, you don’t have to move into this toxic, passive, kind of relational style. Things get much, much better.