Transcript of Video
Hey welcome to codependencyquiz.com. This is the answer sheet where we go through some of the questions and look at some of the issues that are going on.
One of the questions was when you were growing up it felt like it was your responsibility to make a parent happy and even on top of that even if they weren’t happy it felt like it was your fault or when you you were growing up it felt like your parents put your emotional needs above their own. If you’re codependent then this is the answer you picked, the first one.
The codependent is all about taking responsibility that is not yours. Now this talks about where codependency comes from, because if you’re growing up and your parents that have emotional needs that trump your needs then one of the normal strategies that children adopt is this idea that if i’m just helpful enough or if i’m just good enough or if I just do enough good things then my parents are gonna take care of me like I take care of them.
But that’s not how it works in the real world. When a baby is born and there just very small and don’t have anything to do, they can’t put a roof over their head. They can’t put food on the table they can’t change their diaper, they can’t meet any of their needs, physical needs, or emotional needs, it is designed for the parents to meet the needs of their children that’s how it’s designed, not the other way around. And so if a parent’s emotional needs trump their ability to recognize your needs as a child then you got forgotten some way and again the strategy is to be good enough, helpful enough, kind enough and then hopefully as a child thinks, since now you’re an adult this won’t make much sense but as a child believes if I do all those things then I’m going to get the things that I need in return. And that’s just not how it works, now what do you do about this? What do I do to change this?
The first thing you need to understand is that if you’re an adult it is your job to meet your own needs. That is no longer any one else’s job, now your parents, they’re done, they don’t have to meet your needs anymore. They don’t have to put a roof over your head. They don’t need to put food on the table. You as an adult are capable of taking care of yourself, but on the same flip side your parents are adults as well and you are gonna treat them the exact same way your gonna treat yourself. You’re gonna let them take responsibility for their life and you are gonna take responsibility for your life. When you start to do that you will start to break the codependency dynamics that are keeping you stuck where you’re at. And you will start to change and live a much much healthier life.