Transcript Of Video
Welcome back to Codependency Quiz. Once again, this is the answer sheet that we’re going through.
One of the questions on the quiz was within the last year, you’ve been yelled at or scolded because you ran over someone’s cat, or someone was tired of you trying to help them. Obviously, there’s pretty much going to be only one answer here if you’re codependent. The other one is more of a humorous answer. Hopefully, you got that.
Codependent people, because they’re trying to help other people, can actually become more burdensome for those around them. When you’re always, always focused on someone else and you’re always trying to help them, what you’re actually telling them is “You need help,” or “You are not good enough.”
You’re saying, “I need to be here. I need to help you. You can’t do this on your own. And without me, you’re just not capable of handling anything.” When you send people that message that you’re always trying to help them, it’s understandable why someone might yell at you or scold you, because they’re just tired of hearing this message. Again, it’s accidental. It’s inadvertent.
We know that you don’t believe that about them, but unfortunately that’s the message that is very commonly heard and received. And it doesn’t make any sense that sometimes not helping people, sometimes letting them work through their own problems, actually trusting and believing that they are going to be capable of handling their own stuff, even if it’s harder for you, it’s better for them. And when you let them do that, they actually like you better.
It’s a counterintuitive understanding for most codependent people. The more I help, the more people get mad at me. But that’s usually how it works. Again, one caveat all of that, when you’re trying to help a healthy person, codependent people actually are really good at finding unhealthy people. And those unhealthy people actually take advantage of codependent people. And they are actually glad to have them, to use them. Where if you’re codependent, you are now being used by these unhealthy people.
Healthy people yell at you. Healthy people scold you, typically, as a rule thumb, because they don’t want to be hearing these messages anymore. It’s kind of complex, isn’t it? It’s kind of who’s healthy, who’s not healthy, who do I relate to, how do I not relate to them? It is kind of a complex understanding of the relationship dynamics.
But overall, let people trust that they believe that they’re going to handle their own problems. And then, you’re going to be able to only get to focus on your problems, take care of yourself, and be responsible for helping you become as healthy as possible.