Transcript Of Video
One of the questions on the quiz was your usual way of dealing with problems is to what? Ignore them and hope they go away? Or admit that you have them and find a way of dealing with them?
This is the codependent answer right there. Codependent people love to do the ignoring. They hope they go away. This is, if you watched the other videos, this is the magical thinking that we’ve talked about before. It’s the hoping things just go away. And ignoring.
This is also avoidance. Lots and lots of men who are codependent do this around several things. Relationship problems, work issues, and the big one, money. Lots of guys have a really hard time looking at their checkbook, finding out how much money they have in their account. They hope that there’s enough to cover the check that they wrote. They kind of keep this rough idea of how much money is in their account in their head. They haven’t seen an overdraft charge come through so they think that they’re okay, and so they just live in this constant state of anxiety and fear because they just don’t know.
Moving towards a healthier relational style both with yourself and other people is admitting that you have either a problem or you need to know where a situation is and finding a way to deal with it.
This is logging on to the bank website, downloading your statement and seeing exactly how much money you have.
Most of the time you’re afraid it’s going to be confirmed that you have less than you actually do. That confirmation is what you are afraid of. Because if it’s confirmed then it leads to this flawed thinking again that somehow you are bad, you are irresponsible or that somehow you are not good enough.
And we are going back to this idea here. This word is shame.
Healthy people. Healthy people, when they have problems… by the way, you will always have problems, 100% of your life. You never get to have a life that is free from problems.
So when they do show up, it’s best to, number one, admit that you have them. You’re in the club now. Welcome to the club. We have hats. Okay? Admit you actually have the problem and then don’t ignore it anymore. Start, stop avoiding and start finding a way to deal with it.
And again, you might not know what that way is right away, but you can learn, you can grow, you can change, you can teach yourself how to do these things. Find someone who is good at dealing with their problems and say, “How do I move through this?” All right?
Stop avoiding, and start dealing with your problems.