Transcript Of Video
One of the questions on the quiz was, someone you love just told you that they don’t need your help anymore. You know feel glad they can take care of themselves or demeaned, hurt and offended. If you are co-dependent then this is the answer you probably gave.
A co-dependent person; if you’re co-dependent, your whole goal in life; your whole purpose of living is to help someone else and that’s actually where you derive your sense of worth. Now, what that means is, is you have to find people who are hurting; who are unhealthy; who are empty; who are unable to take care of themselves. You are actually drawn toward this type of people right here, and it’s actually in your best interest to keep them in that place.
So, when you’re helping them, you’re not actually helping them to get better. Because if you were, then when they do come to this place that says they don’t need your help anymore, you should be able to say, “Man, I’m so glad that you’re able to take care of yourself.” But more often than not, if you are co-dependent and they say they don’t need your help anymore, then you are going to be feeling demeaned, hurt and offended; and that’s because you are trying to keep them in a place that actually serves you better.
By keeping them in this place, it keeps you with a sense of worth; it gives you a sense of value; it gives you something to do, and this is the primary motivation for a co-dependent person. It is not actually to truly help someone else; it is a way for you to regulate your own emotions and to help you feel worthy and valuable and no longer bad or empty or wrong; all of these other painful emotions that you are just trying to avoid.
Probably this is the best way to determine if you actually are co-dependent, is if someone has told you they don’t need your help anymore,
are you truly genuinely able to say, “Man, I’m so glad that you are no longer in a place where you need me.” Your interests not mine, your
interests is what’s most important to me.” If you can do that then you are in a healthy place and you’re no longer living in a co-dependent relational style.