Transcript Of Video
One of the questions on the quiz was the last time someone was angry and yelling nearby, you went to your happy place because it was too uncomfortable or you just let them be angry.
This right here is very common reaction around anger for codependent people. Anger is terrifying for codependent people, even just being nearby in proximity to it. Even if they’re not mad at you, just by being in a more presence of anger is often times terrifying and so uncomfortable that you can’t stay there.
So if you can’t get away physically, if you can’t just avoid the situation, you have to get away emotionally. That, sometimes, is called dissociation, where you just kind of checked out. You daydreamed. You go to your happy place inside your head. Or you just disconnect in some way physically. Especially for children, if they can’t get away physically, they actually learn how to dissociate and check out emotionally.
And that actually becomes a learned skill that gets rehearsed more and more. Which is why as adults, if you’ve been in a particularly scary situation or around really angry people growing up when you are younger, it’s hard to stay present. You find yourself distracted. You can’t focus on things. It’s all because of dissociation.
Healthy people understand that when someone is angry, it’s about them. It’s about their feelings. And a healthy person can allow another person to have their feelings. They don’t have to run away. They don’t have to avoid. They don’t have to fix or change. They are able to let them just move through their feelings and understand that it’s not about them. They don’t personalize it.
Again, codependent people usually grew up in homes that were emotionally unstable or difficult or painful. And there’s a phenomenon called egocentricity. That’s where a little kid believes that everything is their fault. And so if dad or mom is angry, even though it has nothing to do with you as a child, you believe that you are responsible for it. And so you start to learn that you have to fix it and you have to change it. And that’s root of codependency. That’s where it all begins right there.
Learn how to separate other people’s feelings from your own feeling. That’s the step towards the healthy direction. Allow other people to have their feeling. And you will start to live a healthier and balanced life.