Transcript Of Video
Welcome back to Codependency Quiz.
Another question that was on the quiz was when someone else makes a mistake, you what? Feel guilty, even though you don’t really know why? Or do you trust that other person is going to make things right?
If you’re codependent, right here. That’s your answer that you probably gave.
Codependent people have an over-responsibility for everyone else around them. So when someone else makes that mistake, and you have no responsibility, no connection to it, you have nothing to do with it, because you have an over, overdeveloped sense of responsibility or blame around that, you feel guilty even though you have nothing to do with it.
A healthy person recognizes that people outside of themselves are responsible for their own behavior, and they trust that they are going to be able to make things right, that that other person is going to be able to make things right, and that they don’t have to take on the responsibility.
They don’t have to tell them what to do. They don’t have to offer suggestions. You know, fixing. That is a favorite behavior of codependents. You know, I’m going to fix this problem for you so that you don’t have to. You think that you’re doing it because you’re helping them. But in reality, you aren’t helping them at all.
The difference between helping and enabling. Enabling is when you do something for someone else that they either could or should do for themself, but you do it for them. Helping is actually doing something for that person that they actually cannot do for themself.
When you do something that they are unable to do for themself, that’s genuinely helping. Do that, and do that a lot.
Enabling, doing things for other people that they either could or should do, that’s not good at all. It keeps you locked, it keeps you trapped and locked into really exhausting behavior, and it never gives them the opportunity to build resilience, that is the muscles growing within them to be able to fix and solve their own problems.
And so you create this really nasty cycle where you fix something for someone else, you enable them. Because you’re enabling, they never build resilience and they actually can’t… They never grow the skill set to take care of themselves, so they rely on you to fix them so that leaves you trapped in helping or in enabling them. And it just keeps going around and round until you’re just exhausted.
You can break this cycle by trusting that someone else is going to be able to take care of themselves and they will make things right in their own life.