Transcript Of Video
Welcome back to Codependency Quiz.com. This is the Answer Sheet.
One of the questions on the quiz was when you see something that you don’t like about yourself, what do you do? Are you able to accept the fact that you’re not perfect or are you constantly looking for something that is going to change you? If you’re codependent, that’s the answer you probably gave.
A healthy person understands that they are not perfect. They understand that they have flaws; they understand that they are not as good as they would like to be and they recognize that those characters are actually external to who they are, external to their worth.
A person who is codependent believes that their own perfections are internal. It means that this is who I am; I am flawed; I am bad; I am not good; and when you do that, that’s actually called shame; or toxic shame.
A codependent person is always saying I feel like I am bad; I feel shameful; this idea that I’m never good enough, and so because they are feeling bad, they’re always looking for other things that are going to somehow magically fix them. Again, a codependent person is always trying to fix everyone else, but they’re also trying to fix themselves. So they’re looking for, you know, the self-help books; they’re looking for the meds; they’re looking for that magic person who is going to make things all
better; they believe that there’s always going to be this one thing that’s going to make them finally not feel so bad.
And unfortunately the reality is there is no magic thing out there; life is difficult, it takes work, it’s disappointing. You’re going to bump into mistakes all the time and reinforce this idea that you are not perfect.
All of this is about what life is, and instead of trying to find, constantly looking for that one thing that will change you; you start to rest. You start to just understand that I can accept myself even though I am flawed, I can start to accept myself in this imperfect state; and when you start to do that, that’s when change actually can really start to take a hold, because you’re not looking for the magic thing anymore and you actually start working on the things that need to be worked on.
There is no magic bullet. I’m sorry, I wish there was. If there was, I would do my best to try and offer it to you right now, but I just don’t have it.
There’s no magic bullet.
Go ahead and give yourself permission to accept the fact that you are not perfect, and that you might be okay in that very state.