Transcript Of Video
One of the questions on the quiz was you most often say sorry before or after most sentences or only after someone told you hurt them?
If you’re codependent, then you are saying sorry a lot. If you’re saying sorry, it’s because you have this belief that “I did something that was either wrong or hurtful or bad.” A codependent person always believes that, somehow, they are bad. And they don’t want to hurt people, and they’re afraid of being wronged.
And so if you can just go around and apologize a lot, then, again, there’s this wiring in your head that says, “I’m making things better.” Just my presence, just by being in the proximity of other people, you feel like you are bad or hurting them. And that becomes awfully weighty for everyone else around you. It doesn’t actually give them a chance to enjoy you. It’s like contaminating or tainting a really good time by saying, “Actually, this isn’t a very good time,” or “I’m ruining this in some way,” even when everyone else is okay.
When you’re apologizing an awful lot, you’re running in fear. You are just terrified that somehow you’re ruining this. A healthy person is supposed to say sorry, but within a good context. It’s within the context of someone else confirming or taking the initiative that you’ve already hurt them. Human beings bump into each other, physically, emotionally, relationally. We’re going to do things that bug other people.
It is their responsibility, primarily, to stand up for themselves and to just share when they have been hurt. And when they do that, take
responsibility, apologize. Don’t put the blame back on them. But only do that when you know for a fact when it has been confirmed because the other person is taking some initiative in this. When the other person has confirmed that you have actually done something hurtful or wrong, then say, “Sorry.”
Before then, I want you to make an assumption, this is a good assumption this time, that you are okay. That you are enjoyed. That you are good. When you live in that assumption and just believe everyone likes you and enjoying you at the moment, then you stop saying sorry. And you stop kind of tainting or contaminating the environment around you.