Transcript Of Video
One of the questions on the quiz was, when sharing your opinion, do you, number one, say what you really think even if some people won’t like it? Or do you say what you think other people want you to say?
Right here. That’s the favorite choice of a codependent person. Actually, this is the definition of being political. A politician’s job is to stand up in front of people and tell people what they want to hear. That’s how you win elections.
That’s how you get votes, is you say the things that other people want you to say, not actually what you truly believe, not actually what you truly think. If you’re going to share your opinion and share what you really think, the number one thing that can happen with that is not everyone is going to agree.
You are going to have lots and lots of people who actually do not agree with your opinion, and when someone doesn’t agree with you, that can feel like rejection. That can feel like shame. That can feel horrible. In fact, that’s the one thing that most codependent people don’t want to feel, is they don’t want to have any chance of being rejected or shamed or put aside. They want to be wanted.
And so the codependent person says, “You know what? I’m just going to say what other people want me to say, and I’m just going to keep my own opinions to myself.” They fear that rejection. A healthy person understands that they don’t have to please everybody. They’re OK with people disagreeing with them.
People can disagree in a respectful, in a kind, even in a collaborative sort of way. It’s good to have different opinions. It’s good to have different ideas on the table, because that’s usually what spurs growth and change and takes you to the next step in things.
But if people don’t actually know what you want, then you end up being pretty alone, and just trying to guess what everyone else wants. In fact, saying what you think other people want you to say, again, a lot of times you get that wrong. You make these huge assumptions about what you think other people want from you, and again, most of the time, you’re actually getting it wrong.
And so if you’re getting it wrong because of the assumptions, and now you’re saying things that aren’t actually what people want to hear, then you actually run the greater risk of being rejected or being disagreed with because you made the wrong assumption.
It’s actually much safer, and it’s much wiser, and it’s much healthier to say what you really think, even if some people won’t like it. You’re still going to be OK.