Transcript Of Video
One of the questions on the quiz was when spending time with other people, you most often feel like what? A social worker or a friend?
If you are codependent, then the social worker is probably what you answered, and here’s why. Friendship requires equity. It requires a balance in a couple of things. Friends care for each other. A codependent person is one-sided in that. A codependent person has a very, very difficult receiving care.
Instead, they are always giving it out. It’s always moving out of them, and very little is going in. That is not balanced. What that is is social work. Social work is designed to say, “Let me identify your needs, and it’s now my job to take care of you.”
A codependent person actually believes that it is their job to take care of everyone around them. They don’t get paid for it, but that’s their calling in life. That’s how they’re supposed to relate to everybody. That is not friendship. That is a distorted relational style called codependency.
If you want to move closer to a healthy relational style, then you want to start finding this balance. You want to be able to… If you’re, let’s say, sitting down for coffee at a Starbucks, how much of the conversation is 50-50? How much are you sharing, and then how much is the other person sharing?
If that is balanced, then you’re going to be closer to the friendship model than the social worker model. The codependent person, it’s more like 95-5. They’re doing all the listening, and they share very little about themselves, because if they do, then they would end up what? Becoming a burden.
They don’t want to be selfish and dominate the conversation. They don’t want to put the focus on themselves. It’s easier, safer, better, more comfortable to be focusing on everyone else instead of yourself.
As long as it’s this model here, you’ll be closer to the codependency relational style. If you can get closer to the 50-50 model, if you can find the balance and the equity, if you can do those two things, then you’re going to become much closer to a friendship model.