Transcript Of Video
One of the questions was when working on a group project, do you most often like to be the group leader and in charge or like to have someone else be the leader?
This actually is a little bit of a trick question because this is probably one of the more terrifying situations for a codependent person. Normally, a codependent person is going to be the one who likes to be in charge for couple of reasons. It gives them a sense of control. It helps them be able to fix or provide a structure to things. It gives them a chance to direct. But it’s usually all about this aspect right here, this control.
Codependent people do not like to be out of control. But here’s the catch-22 in this. When you have someone else be the leader…
Actually, before we do that, when you’re in control, when you’re in charge, you run a very high risk. If the project doesn’t work out, then you are responsible for the failure. You’re responsible for the mistakes. And that aspect right there is terrifying. So a codependent person is now stuck between “Do I take control and the responsibility or do I risk being the failure?”
When you risk having someone else be the leader, then you have to give up that control again. And that means you have to trust. You have to have faith. You have to hope that they are going to do it right, that they are going to take care of it, and that they’re not going to ask you to do something you don’t want to do or put you in a really bad situation.
When someone else is the leader, they might make a mistake and they might fail as well. And that might reflect poorly on you. And so you want to reduce the chances at all possible of ever looking bad. Having someone else be the leader also means that they might look better than you, that they might get more credit than you. And that, by default, just makes you feel bad, forgotten, and rejected. All of these things which, again, a codependent person just hates.
So this is kind of a trick question and a catch-22. See if you figure out which themes are more stronger, that’s good English, which one is more stronger in your life. Is the “control issue stronger,” or is the fear of failure and risk and responsibility the harder aspect in your life? If you can figure those things out, then you have a much better chance of being able to move out of that place and have a healthy and balanced life.